If I Could Do it Again...

I'd say something more encouraging, and
something else less critical.

I'd stop and listen to the one who needs to talk things out, and

not participate in the gossip.

I'd relax just one hour more with my hubby sleeping next to me, and

enjoy the quiet moment of his breathing.

I'd rise out of bed just a bit earlier to spend time with the Lord, and

enjoy a holy presence with a steaming cup of Starbucks coffee.

I'd be a little more humble, and

raise up the one who truly needs and deserves it.

I'd pay a little more attention to what the boys are saying, and

less time on the phone hearing my own voice.

I'd play one more game, read one more book with the boys, and
give my husband just one more kiss good bye.

I'd walk the extra mile, smile a little more genuinely, blow one more kiss, and

hug just one more child.

I'd make another batch of chocolate chip cookies, and

walk a plate of these warm treats to my elderly widowed neighbor.

I'd do a splashy cannonball into the pool, and

not worry about my hair or who was looking at my hips.

I'd give someone the benefit of the doubt, and

not convince myself they're just out to get me!

If I could do it again I'd still strive to do better, and

still wish I could do it again.

What would YOU do differently if you could do it again?

Verbal Vomit

If you've ever had children, you know the mess their vomit can make, especially on carpet. No matter how hard you try to clean it all up, there always seems to be a stain to remind you of who did it and when.

I made a little mess this week. It doesn't need much clean up, thankfully, but I have a mental reminder that I whined and vomitted, verbally, on friends who really didn't need the mess.

It's been Vacation Bible School all week - my first super-sized VBS program. Always great anticipation in the preparations, but by the end of the week all the volunteers and workers are ready for a break. By the end of Thursday morning, I was a semi-sick, ticking time-bomb, ready to blow, but desperately trying to hold it in. Oh how I tried to hold it in - like being truly sick and running to the toilet with your hand over your mouth as to not make a mess...(gross picture, I know, but do you get what I'm trying to say?). I ran to my bosses office and I spewed it all out, unfortunately. She wasn't alone - there were two other children's leaders in the room that I complained and whined to as well. I remember standing there spewing out the words of frustration and thinking, 'Stop throwing it all up! You're making a mess!' Was it abusive or rude? No. But there were other leaders in the room who might have been dealing with their own issues at the time, or celebrating the great week and all God was doing in the lives of these children! I really should have prayed it and not said it.

Taking back words once their said is an impossible task. A pastor once used the analogy of squeezing toothpaste out of the tube...once you squeeze the paste out, it's impossible to get it back into the tube. Verbal vomit is the same. Once the words are spewed out, there's no way to get them back in your mouth, you just have to clean it up. I've cleaned up a lot of my kids vomit over the past 17 years and it's never pretty, fun, or appetizing...but it must be done.

Side story - early on in my friendship with Robin, I knew she was very special. She and a few other ladies had come over to my house on Silver Oaks in Fort Collins. Cameron had eaten some corn bread with jalepenos baked in and had thrown up in the kitchen afterwards. While I got Cameron to the bathroom to clean him up, Robin was in the kitchen cleaning up the floor. I'll never forget this new friend who got down on her hands and knees to help a new friend clean up the mess.

What do I learn from this?
1. We all verbally vomit at some time, in some place, regretting our words.
2. To clean it up, we must get down on our hands and knees and ask the Lord to help us clean up the mess, and ask that He help us not repeat this offense! Maybe some healing needs to happen before we share the contagious sickness with others.
3. Sometimes, we need to intercede and help our friends when they verbally vomit, as we would if they actually had physically been ill.
4. Although the stains may remain after the clean up, time does help cover up our mistakes.

Psalm 141:3, "O Jehovah, set a guard to my mouth; keep watch on the door of my lips."

Leaving the Nest - Part II

The tears fell down my cheeks that Sunday morning, despite the great efforts I made to smile and pretend they weren't there. After giving me many hugs and smiles and words of encouragement, my baby was leaving church, going home to pick up his suitcase, and get on the road. He was very excited!

I got a call from Greg just over an hour later to tell me that the car had overheated (hmmm... never happened before...) and Lewis was on his way back home. Fortunately Lewis was only an hour north of Wichita and not six hours into the trip, stranded on the western plains! Praise God for His perfect timing!

After getting the Volvo's thermostat replaced, Lewis is planning on repeating this adventure in two weeks...two weeks more for me to prepare for his leaving the nest.

Leaving the Nest

My friend Jack once said about me that I could move anywhere and adjust because I'm a "nester". I see what he means. I can move and unpack very quickly to put everything in it's place (exception: this past move...I'm still not entirely done!). I like to keep the house neat and picked up (not necessarily always clean). I like everybody to be home. I can move furniture, clean a cupboard, or hang some pictures and feel I accomplished so much. But one aspect of nesting is changing in my home. My children are getting older and wanting to spread their wings and leave the nest.

Outside the nest is an environment where I do not have control. There are hardships, uncertainty, dangers, and distrust. Inside the nest is safety and familiararity: family movies, board games, homemade chocolate chip cookies, school night dinners (and homework) at the kitchen table, Italian night (ask the boys), and summer vacations. How do I let my little ones leave the nest and fly away?

My oldest son (and the Lord has blessed me with three) is 17 years old now. Although he's taller than me and has bigger feet than me, I probably outweigh him by about a pound. I can still take him (NOT!). Anyhow - he's made some friends here in Kansas, but he is still best friends with those he left behind in Colorado eight months ago. After attending an international youth conference in San Antonio this next week, he's planning on driving our Swedish chariot back to Colorado to have a week with friends. He has worked and saved enough money. He's nearly paid his debt to society (his parents - $40 from a speeding ticket still owed). He's given us no reason not to trust him. He's learned how to change the oil, check the oil, and change a tire, and he's willing to make this trip in July with no air conditioning in the car. So why can't I let go?

Because there is safety in the nest. I have control in the nest. I gave birth to this boy, nursed this boy, lost hours of sleep to care for this boy, took care of every doctor appointment, broken bone, and cut, bathed him, carried him, fed him, encouraged him, and mothered him in the nest, and now he wants to leave. I cry not because I feel betrayed, but because I know I need to let go and let him - give him permission to leave the nest. It's very hard.

I'm like the mama bird that made a nest in our backyard grill this summer (yea, not too smart on that one but we accommodated mother bird and let her continue with her nesting, using the charcoal grill instead...). This beautiful European starling prepared for this baby by going to great lengths to build a nest in this gas grill. She gathered sticks in the yard and then worked REALLY hard to pull them through a small opening on the side of the grill. It's an amazing testimony to hard work, commitment, and diligence! Really! A beautiful and very large nest! Two of the three eggs hatched already and now they are all gone. The babies have been birthed, nursed, cared for, fed, and then let go. The nest in the grill is empty. I've got to let go, too - it' s just so hard.

Dear God - please watch over my little (and very tall) son who I am releasing to whatever is outside the nest. Leaving the nest is easy and exciting for him, and oh so difficult for me. I trust You to watch over him and take care of him because you love him even more than I do. (Matthew 6:26)

(He'll be gone only for a week. Sunday's coming - and he'll be back...)

Staff Changes = Pursuing Christ

"Following Christ isn't something that can be done half-heartedly or on the side. It's not a label we can display when it is useful. It must be central to everything we are. If life is a river, then pursuing Christ requires swimming upstream. When we stop swimming, or actively following Him, we automatically begin to be swept downstream."
- Francis Chan, Crazy Love

(Thanks, Kristin, for posting this quote! It's a great one!)

POEM

by Annie Johnson Flint

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added affliction He addeth His mercies,
To multiplied trials His multipled peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father's full giving is only begun.
His love has no limit, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth and giveth and giveth again.

Bittersweet Street

Driving to church with my hubby at 8 a.m. this morning. The drive to our church has become a familiar drive since we both work there and worship there. One, two, and sometimes three of our cars drive that street to church every single day, with hardly any exception. Driving this morning , though, I felt a sense of heaviness building as we knew the church announcement of another pastor's decision to serve another church would cause many to react in a variety of ways...and sometimes, unfortunately, it's not very pretty.

As we drive this very familiar road, Greg is praying aloud. We are holding hands and praying over the morning and our various roles of responsibility - over our pastor as he preaches - over the safety and security of our children - over the congregation - and praising and thanking the Lord for His many blessings. I've got my eyes open (as it's nauseating for me to close them in a moving vehicle) and we pass a street I've passed a million times (well, maybe not that many, yet) but never noticed before. The street sign says: Bittersweet Street.

So what's it like on Bittersweet Street?

It's bittersweet that we have released three wonderful men from our church body to let them pastor in other churches. We can all be sad that they, and their families, are moving on, but oh how sweet that they have been in training at our church, for a number of years, and are now ready to use this God-given wisdom, refreshment, and experience in other congregations.

It's bittersweet that some members in the congregation would rather judge, point fingers, gossip, and assume the worst instead of enouraging and edifying the body of Christ and realizing that staff changes happen - frequently - even in churches! Just because someone is leaving doesn't mean something is wrong. In this case, it shows God's amazing power (and timeliness!).

It's bittersweet to see our leaders agonize, evaluate, question, and yes, lose sleep over these transitions, but oh how sweet to see them trust in the Lord with all their heart...acknowledging Him in all their ways knowing He will guide their paths (as the Word promises in Proverbs 3:5&6).

It was bittersweet when we moved here to Wichita from Windsor, Colorado. I absolutely loved my life back in Windsor - my wonderful neighborhood and caring neighbors, the kids in established schools, important ministries within our local church, volunteer groups we were a part of, and our many, many great friends. Believe me it was VERY bittersweet! But we knew God had called us to use all we had learned and all we had experienced in Colorado and begin serving Him here in Wichita. Bitter to leave - but oh how sweet to serve Him here.

God, however, is not bittersweet! He is always, always, always sovereign and in control. And you know what? Sunday's coming! May I be His instrument of peace - spreading around even more sweetness (a tender term of endearment my husband voices to me every day) rather than bitterness. May we all be a little more sweet than we are bitter.

And, please God, may I never dwell on Bittersweet Street...

A Few of my Favorite Things...

...Rome, Kansas Part II

After dropping off the boys at the villa where Greg's sister and parents had stayed, we drove away and I sobbed. I was just devastated that we had a full day to do something, our last full day near Rome, and we couldn't go tour what I had so meticulously planned and prepared to see.
It was then that the Lord, my caring precious Lord, spoke to me. He brought that beautiful, melodius, unforgetable Rolling Stones song to mind - You Don't Always Get What You Want. I even began hearing Mick Jagger tauntingly sing these words in my head, over and over. What? But I've worked so hard to get here, have planned every detail (except the train workers strike...), and now I can't go? But I'm so close!!!
God was so good to me and forgave me for my HUGE pity-party. I heard Him speak in an audible-inaudible voice: you'll be back some day. You'll be back. It was then I could stop crying and tell my husband, who was totally shocked, dismayed, and confused by my weird behavior, what was going on in my head. We ended up going downtown Campagnano di Roma (see me in the red blouse, to the right...) and found a coffee shop (what a surprise), a clothing store, and some beautiful medieval architecture, which included a church that was under restoration. It really turned out to be a beautiful afternoon, walking through these old city streets, with my adorable and eager-to-please husband. A truly sweet, memorable moment!
So when we returned home to Fort Collins, Colorado, two weeks later, I had already begun planning in my head that we would have an auction and sell everything in the house, find an international English-speaking church in Rome, or thereabouts, and move to Europe to serve the Lord. You can now understand my amazement and confusion when we got a call, out of the blue, from a pastor John from our now home church. Who is this? and where do you live? Kansas? Where's Wichita? I don't even know how to spell it!
It was then I pulled out the state map of Kansas to see if there was a city named 'Rome' near Wichita.
You see, I don't get to chose where we serve the Lord. God does. I believe with all my heart that for today, the here and now, we are serving the Lord in Wichita - but the day will come, I don't know when, when God will say - 'Here you go. I promised you'd be back!'
Sunday's coming, ladies and gentlemen. No matter what building we may be in, no matter the city name or state, or even continent, we still serve the same God. Let's serve Him and love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength and thank Him for the opportunity without complaint.