Leaving the Nest

My friend Jack once said about me that I could move anywhere and adjust because I'm a "nester". I see what he means. I can move and unpack very quickly to put everything in it's place (exception: this past move...I'm still not entirely done!). I like to keep the house neat and picked up (not necessarily always clean). I like everybody to be home. I can move furniture, clean a cupboard, or hang some pictures and feel I accomplished so much. But one aspect of nesting is changing in my home. My children are getting older and wanting to spread their wings and leave the nest.

Outside the nest is an environment where I do not have control. There are hardships, uncertainty, dangers, and distrust. Inside the nest is safety and familiararity: family movies, board games, homemade chocolate chip cookies, school night dinners (and homework) at the kitchen table, Italian night (ask the boys), and summer vacations. How do I let my little ones leave the nest and fly away?

My oldest son (and the Lord has blessed me with three) is 17 years old now. Although he's taller than me and has bigger feet than me, I probably outweigh him by about a pound. I can still take him (NOT!). Anyhow - he's made some friends here in Kansas, but he is still best friends with those he left behind in Colorado eight months ago. After attending an international youth conference in San Antonio this next week, he's planning on driving our Swedish chariot back to Colorado to have a week with friends. He has worked and saved enough money. He's nearly paid his debt to society (his parents - $40 from a speeding ticket still owed). He's given us no reason not to trust him. He's learned how to change the oil, check the oil, and change a tire, and he's willing to make this trip in July with no air conditioning in the car. So why can't I let go?

Because there is safety in the nest. I have control in the nest. I gave birth to this boy, nursed this boy, lost hours of sleep to care for this boy, took care of every doctor appointment, broken bone, and cut, bathed him, carried him, fed him, encouraged him, and mothered him in the nest, and now he wants to leave. I cry not because I feel betrayed, but because I know I need to let go and let him - give him permission to leave the nest. It's very hard.

I'm like the mama bird that made a nest in our backyard grill this summer (yea, not too smart on that one but we accommodated mother bird and let her continue with her nesting, using the charcoal grill instead...). This beautiful European starling prepared for this baby by going to great lengths to build a nest in this gas grill. She gathered sticks in the yard and then worked REALLY hard to pull them through a small opening on the side of the grill. It's an amazing testimony to hard work, commitment, and diligence! Really! A beautiful and very large nest! Two of the three eggs hatched already and now they are all gone. The babies have been birthed, nursed, cared for, fed, and then let go. The nest in the grill is empty. I've got to let go, too - it' s just so hard.

Dear God - please watch over my little (and very tall) son who I am releasing to whatever is outside the nest. Leaving the nest is easy and exciting for him, and oh so difficult for me. I trust You to watch over him and take care of him because you love him even more than I do. (Matthew 6:26)

(He'll be gone only for a week. Sunday's coming - and he'll be back...)