Working Mom < Being Mommy

Lewis is sick. Lewis is REALLY sick. After missing three days of school, I took him to the Dr. today to find out what I already knew by looking at the back of his throat: he has strep throat. Even after taking two extra strength ibuprofin, his fever was still 102 degrees at the Dr. office. He's achy all over. His throat is a red, raw, swollen-with-white-little-spots mess. I took him to the Dr. today, Friday, even though he started feeling bad Wednesday morning. I could have taken him to the Dr. on Wednesday and he wouldn't have gotten so bad, but I was a working mum on Wednesday and he seemed to feel better in the afternoon. I should have taken him yesterday, Thursday, but again I was working and I was hopeful he was getting better. Would of, could of, should of...he still has strep throat! And today was his worst day ever! He wouldn't even get out of bed.

I'm not good at juggling being a working mom and being a a mommy at home. Now that I work more hours in a week, the laundry gets piled up higher than it used to. The fridge isn't as full as it used to be. The housework is shared by more of us, because I just don't have the time at home, or the energy at home, to do all that I used to do when I was at home more during the day.

I apologized to Lewis today for not taking him to the Dr. sooner. He replies, 'It's no big deal, mom!'. Well, it is for me. I feel as if I let him down. As mothers, don't we WANT to be able to do it all, do it all well, and do it all so everybody is happy?!? Well - it's impossible. We can't do it all perfectly all the time.

I wrote a note to a mom this week who is feeling so discouraged. She has a strong willed 2-year old and feels inadequate and imperfect to tackle the hard preschooler issues. I wrote her a note saying: we as mothers may be imperfect, but you are the perfect mother for your child. I believe that for me as well. I am not a perfect mother, but I am the perfect mother for Lewis, Cameron, and Isaac. I may get it wrong sometimes, and have my priorities misaligned and misplaced, but I am still their mother and I'll keep trying to get it right.

It's good when our boys see that we're not perfect. I think if they think we're perfect they'll look for a perfect woman to be the perfect mother to their children. It's an unrealistic expectation.

In Lewis' 17 years, almost 18 years on this earth, I've almost always been right in my diagnosis of all his ailments. I've always taken him to the Dr. in good time and he benefitted from rapid diagnosis and then medical treatment if necessary. This time was different. I didn't act quickly on my inner gut feeling. I'm not trying to blow it out of proportion...I'm just dealing with my own plate of guilt.

In conclusion: being a mommy is more important that being a working mom. I believe there is a balance where we can still be the mom our kids need, as imperfect as we are, and still work to help financially support our families. I'm still trying to find that balance.....